Yet Another Day

My breath ran faster again
I couldn’t understand where I was going
The light around stared dull
It was all heavy in my heart
I pretended I knew why I was in pain
There was yet no reason that I must cry
The tears couldn’t roll
They just ached inside my head
There was no rain pouring outside
Yet the grief was similar
I wondered how the next moments would be
The future felt all open but too narrow
Something was plugging my throat
May be it was my breath itself
I had to continue breathing
Some dreams stretched just scattered in my mind
There was little hope that they would stand again
There were still some dreams
And they were the culprits
My thoughts were all negative
Just brought more and more sting
I wished somebody should punish me
For all the sorrow I caused to myself
It was like … like a force shouting from inside
‘Somebody please pound my head hard against the wall’
But there was nobody to listen
I tried to imagine how it would feel to have my head milled
I couldn’t image the pain
I was already in so much pain
I was expected not to smile but to cry
Something made my lips tremble
And something even made my smile
I thought tears would ease it all
To weep was near impossible
Somewhere between the feeling of crying and not crying
I prayed that someone would hold my hand
And told me all that I wanted to hear
I closed my eyes and searched for a face
There were castles too far away
But I had to cry and I tried to cry
I tried as hard as I could till I felt some tears in the eyes
They were not enough
They just made things harder
I wished I could run away from myself
I wasn’t blessed even with that thing
I still kept myself there
With all of me still with me
The hours went by slowly
Until it was the end of that day
I live and die yet another day.